My parents believed their political beliefs were grounded in their religious beliefs. They believed if they were kind and nice, they would go to heaven; if they worked hard they would move up the ladder of success; that government should be kept small and out of our lives, because we're all honest and we don't need regulating; that we're all created equal so step up and do what you need to do to get through life, don't be a slouch.

Simple, easy to follow and written in black and white. No variations allowed.

Of course there were never definitions given about the meaning of nice, kind, hard work, equality, success or any other rule they implemented for themselves and implanted in the heads of their children. Nuance wasn't allowed. Complexity was non existent.

As I got older, I went out into the workforce. Me and my siblings had our college educations paid for by our parents. We thought everyone had that privilege. I lived by my parents simplistic values. Be kind, work hard, I bought boots and pulled myself up by the straps and got on with life. Life was good! It was fun! I assumed it was this way for everyone.

It wasn't until I was in my late 30's that my growing up republican came into question. Even though I saw differences in the lives my college friends lived and noticed that not everyone lived like I did, those visions didn't compute into changing the belief system stuck in my head. Then my sister had a baby that was diagnosed with autism.

Up until that time, my life had gone on the trajectory I had planned. I married my high school sweetheart. We had kids, together we built successful businesses and a beautiful family. We were blessed with wonderful relationships, beautiful homes, and close friends.

The impact of the autistic diagnosis wasn't clear at first. But as time went on, my nephew showed signs that he might never speak or understand language.

The simplistic theory of equality I had been taught came into question. My nephew would never have the ability to be the CEO of any company, let alone work for one. So who's responsibility is a person who is born, without fault, with a disorder? What if that person doesn't have family support?

I began to question my long held simplistic political beliefs.

About a decade later my husband ran off with his secretary. She wasn't the first out of marriage experience. But my simplistic "be kind and nice and you'll go to heaven" belief system wouldn't allow me to admit imperfection. 

I'm a slow learner. 

Everything I believed came into question. The black and white thinking of my parents generation wasn't working, the grey area was taking over. I began to think my belief system had to change.

During my divorce I got to travel with my sister and niece to a few third world, or developing countries. What I experienced in these countries were the effects of US policy in foreign nations. Our farm policies and our trade policies create an atmosphere where smaller countries can't compete against our subsidies and major exports, and our social policies are hidden under the guise of helping those countries who are "less than" what we perceive to be successful, by doing it "our" way.

In Central America I saw American manufactured cars I had never seen before. My sister told me they were there because they couldn't pass American emission laws. I can't verify that, but it makes sense.

So the propaganda I was sold in the US that we "help" other countries was also coming into question. Who gets to define help?

Back to Bill. Bill Clinton had sex behind his desk with a younger woman and then lied about it. He was impeached by the House because of this lie. In my opinion, he set in motion the present culture of men doing whatever they want sexually at the expense of families, marriages, and the lives of everyone the cheating affects. Contracts made in the name of God, our courts and morality were being trashed like used tampons.

Hence where we are today...

Initially, when Hilary Clinton ran against Donald Trump, I chose Donald. Why not put a business man in the office? I didn't know anything about Trump. He had some silly reality show I never watched (and assumed anyone with more than 2 brains cells didn't either), owned a hotel in NYC and bankrupted a casino in Atlantic City, close to where I lived. So he made a few mistakes, I understood and can forgive a few mistakes.

I was naive. My political prowess was limited by my beliefs, not the facts. I was busy in my life and didn't have a clue what was really going on other than the headline news. I wasn't alone in my ignorance. Though an active participant in local government, the big national stage was foreign to my understanding.

It didn't take me long to figure out what trump stood for. His imitating a handicapped person was the sign I chose to listen to, showing his lack of integrity. I couldn't listen to him talk as great was the only adjective he knew and he never defined his version of great. Then the grabbing women's pussy's pushed it over the top.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. I saw who he was. A narcissistic ego maniac who's love for power was the only thing he loved.

So I decided to vote for Hilary against all inclination to not have Bill Clinton back in the White House.

As a country we deserved Donald trump. Our nations pervasive lack of involvement and understanding the complexity of national politics brought him to office. 

It seemed obvious to me that if trump were elected, the lacking moral integrity Bill Clinton started would erode to a level the country had never seen.

And I wasn't wrong. 

Gotta hand it to hindsight. I no longer affiliate myself to the Republican Party, it has gone awry. I live in a state where I can change my party at will, and I do. 

This post was written a few years ago and I only had the nerve to post it recently.